not exactly martin luther

Ninety-five (40) theses for restaurant freedom:
1.  that fork was just in someone else’s mouth.
2.  the entree portion sizes are monstrous.
3.  the pre-entree breadstick/roll packs 150 calories per.
4.  the more you eat, the more you eat.
5.  service is often horrendous.
6.  mandatory tipping in groups of 8 or larger
7.  it’s expensive
8.  it’s not as quick as home
9.  it’s not as good as home.
10.  it’s not as good for you as home
11.  the wait time is rarely worth it.
12.  this one time we held the door open for a couple. they were seated first and finished before we were seated. true story.
13.  unclean bathrooms (if the bathroom isn’t clean – are the cooks?)
14.  it’s overpriced (different than 7).
15.  unclean eating areas
16.  that lady that sits in the booth behind me everywhere i go hacking up a lung
17.  a server putting his/her thumb in my glass (i’ll lump straw touching here too)
18.  hiring policies
19.  sketchy friends in high school who worked at restaurants told stories.
20.  the ingredients are a mystery.
21.  the nutritional content is not readily accessible.
22.  what can i get instead of fries?  you can get a side salad. really? yes (failing to mention a substitution charge).
23.  i ordered chicken on this salad.  that’s ok, i didn’t charge you for it.
24.  smoking or non-smoking?
25.  long wait, cold food.
26.  it’s addictive.
27.  the sodium levels are dangerous.
28.  forgoing one restaurant meal per week won’t necessarily make you wealthy (it could), but it sure won’t make you broke.
29.  some folks think it’s an entitlement.
30.  i’ve been in the storage area of a chinese restaurant. at a mall.
31.  my oatmeal is extraordinary.
32.  a chicken wrap is fine, unless the wrap is long human hair
33.  death by a thousand cuts
34.  because i can
35.  an onion blossom is not a vegetable serving
36.  awkward break-up scenarios in the next booth
37.  screaming children that aren’t mine
38.  inappropriate jokes at the next table
39.  everybody else is doing it
40.  i’ll use any ammunition against the dragon i can get